keeping focus

i guess i m too easily contended yesterday.

i must keep my focus and patience.

urgh.. sigh...

focus.

God, please continue to bless me with strength, courage and show me the way.

sunday

i seem to forget how i spend sundays at home. this is the 4th weekend in hall..

anw.. i still slightly happier today and i wonder whether i am too easily contended.

God, please continue to show me the way and bless me with the strength and courage.

unlucky

outwitted, out played.

no luck, no fate.

for every chance i create, i will face a new wall.

still believe in being patient. God shows me the way.

tired

i am so mentally and physically drained.

God, please help me. Show me the way.

red card day.

initially it was like getting a 2 minute suspension.. then now it is now like getting a red card.

first paper

i had my first paper today. totally drained out by the paper. i still believe that this was the hardest of the 3 NM papers i had this sem. i hope for a perfect paper in which i know every single question. but that dream still evades me. i had around 10 questions left pondering. not sure whether will hit the target i set down for it eventually.

coming up next is JS paper on thurs. another interesting module with a hard paper to meet. i had a disappointing term paper, hope the finals won't be so disappointed. but for now.. i need a night of break.. cant really focus on the history of Japan.

thinking

you set me thinking for the night.

jaded

i am so jaded that sleep can't retrieve me. i need something else.

i hate wet toilets

wet toilets are damn disgusting. can't believe i cant find a dry one in biz.

peer review

so much about saying giving each other equal marks and in the end someone just have to backstab us.

why is my marks lower than others? i was being called on with less 48 hours to cover for someone else and i did my part without complaining. i put aside my revision and rush the project. i spent 6 hours with the rest discussing the project on a sat afternoon when a member went MIA!!! fucking hell. the lecturer shld know this man!!!

in the end, my work wasn't being appreciated and worse still, i got penalized.

i waited 3 hours for the last meeting to start and someone just went home and did a video conferencing with us. i shld just have just gone back to hall and did a skype too!!! fuck!!! i was there as much as possible. i raise up doubts about the part that i was ordered to do saying that they are not continuous variables and u fucking hell.. asking me to continue and in the end turn them into dummy variables. i submit my work on time and try my best in helping the rest. so why was i being penalized? it all boils down to playing this game of survivor series isn't it?

damn.. cos of this stupid peer evaluation, i was even further behind the mean score. i have nothing to lose.. n i will seriously consider bring this issue up to the lecturer!!!

for the another project which doesn't have peer evaluation, i worked my life out and no body cared. the school should have one standard way of evaluating projects!!! what's the point of me working so hard for one and doing normally for the other and in the end, other people benefit??

fuck them!

crossroad

sometimes we just end up at the crossroads and not sure of which direction to go next. going straight will give you more misery, turning left maybe a dead end and turning right could be risky.

being left in the mid, lost and helpless.

adium

recently i have been using adium for messenger instead of the usual msn messenger. it seems to have less errors and seems cuter than the previous messenger.

but still i hope msn can come out with an exact mac version for msn messenger.

when they are gone.

you only treasure those moments when u no longer can have them anymore.

and you only realize how much you miss them when they come haunting you back..

environment do change, so do we.

treasuring every single moment of now and then

martin kelly ?

i realize i didn't blog for almost a month. almost forget how my blog looks like..

anyway, some random comments again.

i saw the soccernet headline.. saying that 'Gerrard injury blow for Liverpool'. follow by ...

Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard, midfielder Albert Riera and defenders Martin Kelly and Martin Skrtel will all miss Wednesday's decisive Champions League match in Lyon.

who the hell is martin kelly? when did he become such a important feature that he gonna be mentioned along with gerrard, riera and skrtel who are first team players, that he is injured. i always thought that he is upcoming youngster who yet to secure a place in the first team unless benetiz wanna start him this mid week against lyon. as far as i m concerned, i think since he is injured, we just open up another slot for another youngster on the bench and hopefully that's the case.

Dishearten Liverpool fan.